Hidden struggles: 2 in 1000 women battle vaginismus – a new approach to sexual health
A fresh series on Virgin Island is tackling a deeply personal and often hidden struggle: vaginismus, a condition that can leave women feeling isolated and unable to experience intimacy.
Joy’s journey: unlocking a silent pain
22-year-old Joy from Falmouth is sharing her story of battling vaginismus – a condition that causes involuntary muscle spasms in the vagina, making penetration incredibly difficult, and impacting her relationships – on the new series. Her experience highlights a significant issue affecting a shockingly large percentage of women: approximately 2 in 1000.
For Joy, the realization came gradually, starting around her fifteenth birthday. ‘I started to realise there might be something wrong when I was 15 or 16,’ she recounts. ‘It’s probably a bit later than some people might realise and to be honest, I was in a bit of like an ignorance is bliss sort of state where it felt to me that that’s not an area of my body that I should really explore.’
Her religious upbringing played a significant role, fostering a sense of shame and a reluctance to explore her own sexuality. ‘For me to start exploring and to really admit to myself that something might be wrong, where I couldn’t insert something, I couldn’t have sex, would be to admit that I wanted to have sex before marriage. That felt like something that I couldn’t do.’ She describes the internal conflict as a clash with deeply held beliefs, framing it as ‘admitting to God – and admitting to myself – that I wanted to do something sinful.’
It wasn’t until her late teens, around 18, that Joy sought professional help, finally receiving a diagnosis at approximately 20. The initial examinations were profoundly unsettling. ‘[Initially] I thought maybe it’s just the hymen’s in the way because I haven’t had sex, maybe it’ll just sort of break through, break open and everything will be fine. They went to to do an an examination and couldn’t even barely touch me. Everyone’s clicking on.’ she explains, detailing the intense physical and psychological distress.
‘I was like squirming, wriggling off the bed, and in pain – they were barely even near anything, so I think that was their first indicator that I probably had vaginismus because there was a psychological response that was going on more than just a physical one. It was both of those things.’ A second examination, confirming the diagnosis, finally brought a sense of clarity.
Understanding the roots of vaginismus
According to the NHS, vaginismus is ‘an automatic reaction, which you do not have control over’. It can be triggered by a variety of factors, including past experiences of pain-free penetration or difficulty inserting tampons. Joy believes her religious background significantly contributed to her anxieties. ‘For a long time, [I didn’t realise] how much religious shame is connected to vaginismus. Not just for me, but for many many women. There’s a link between experiencing certain religious messaging and this like psychological and physical condition, which I feel more women should maybe know about.’
She argues that purity culture teachings – the messaging she received – were profoundly harmful, ‘probably significantly contributed to the condition I have today.’ Joy hopes her participation in Virgin Island will raise awareness and encourage religious organizations to re-evaluate their approach to sex education.
Treatment options are diverse, ranging from psychosexual therapy and relaxation techniques to specialized devices. The goal is to empower women to regain control over their bodies and experiences. This isn’t just about physical comfort; it’s about reclaiming agency and fostering a healthy relationship with one's sexuality.
Ultimately, Joy’s story serves as a vital reminder that silence isn’t an option. It’s time to dismantle the stigma and create a space for open conversation and support for those grappling with this often-invisible condition.