The quiet revolution: why solo living is becoming a deliberate choice

The question – “Weren’t you lonely?” – has followed me for years, a predictable query from those who haven’t considered the deliberate solitude of a single life. It’s a loaded question, a shorthand for a life perceived as incomplete.

Finding freedom in the silence

I’ve learned to respond with a simple, “No, I loved it.” But the truth is far more nuanced. Growing up an only child, I craved connection, a counterpoint to the quiet that often defined my existence. It wasn't a lack of companionship, but a subtle awareness that my reality – a constant immersion in adult attention – was, perhaps, atypical. Now, navigating a recent breakup and sharing my studio with a demanding Maltipoo named Frank, that quiet persists. It’s a life of RHONY reruns, vintage martini glasses, and the slow burn of incense – a life I genuinely enjoy, though moments of introspection surface, questioning whether I’m fulfilling a silent prophecy of singlehood.

Enter the ‘LonelyGirls’ of TikTok. Figures like Lana Isa (@lanasololife) have carved out a space for authentic, unvarnished reflections on solo living. Unlike the carefully curated portrayals of happiness, Isa’s videos – returning Amazon packages, making waffle fries – offer a raw, unpretentious glimpse into the realities of being alone. It’s a refreshing rejection of the need to ‘wine and dine’ oneself to achieve contentment. There's a radical honesty there, a resistance to the performative aspects of singlehood that’s profoundly compelling.

Beyond the instagram facade

What’s particularly striking is the lack of pretense. I’ve always strived to emulate Nora Ephron’s approach, meticulously preparing a proper dinner even when dining alone. But Isa’s oven-ready waffle fries – a defiant act of self-care – feel like a bolder statement, challenging the notion that solitude requires elaborate gestures. It’s a quiet rebellion against the pressure to constantly prove one’s happiness. And it speaks to a larger trend: women, like Isa and Devon and Paulina Cee, are increasingly defining their public personas around privacy, a conscious choice to prioritize their inner worlds.

The truth is, many women in my family history never had the opportunity to experience life without a partner. While fleeting moments of doubt – fueled by Instagram feeds filled with newly married friends – surface, they’re quickly overshadowed by the satisfaction of a self-determined existence. I'm surrounded by a thriving social life in LA and across the country, built by choice, not obligation. It’s a far cry from the frantic, Ikea-shelf-one-person searches of my early twenties.

The unspoken truth

What’s remarkable about these ‘LonelyGirls’ is their refusal to sugarcoat their experiences. They’re open about the loneliness, the occasional misery of Friday nights, and the struggle to reconcile their private lives with the expectations of those around them. They remind us that there’s no need to project an image of unwavering serenity. Ultimately, we’re all simply navigating the complexities of being human, finding solace and joy in the spaces between connection. And that, perhaps, is the most radical act of all.